As much as I wanted to have all original content this week in my blog entries, I found a fabulous article that speaks to what I would want to say. And more. Take a look!
http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/parenting/family-time/how-to-choose-your-battles-with-your-kids
I use the term “issue” in a tongue in cheek manner. I am the parent to an only child, and intend to keep it that way. Let me take a moment to explain why I’ve made this choice.
My pregnancy combined with my birth experience were both, less than stellar times in my life. Four years later, and I still feel some trauma and negative thoughts surrounding it all. I don’t particularly want to do it again and luckily, my husband feels the same way. However, this announcement often invites a stream of statements from the general public, including, but not limited to:
· “Won’t he be lonely?” I think this question frustrates me the most. My son attends daycare, belongs to a soccer team, has regular play dates with friends and has cousins around his age range. Hardly a recipe for solitude.
· “But…. you can’t do that.” This one gets uttered more often than you would think. I wasn’t aware there was some unwritten rule out there that people must have 2+ children, but personally, we’re quite happy with our 3 person family makeup, as I’m sure you are with your family composition.
· “Being an only child isn’t normal.” I’m no authority on what constitutes “normality” in families these days but I can assure you, we feel very normal.
In my opinion, this topic comes back to respect. We all make choices for ourselves and our families that we feel are best so let’s honor that. And,rest assured, my child is doing just fine. 🙂
This topic is one that I have found particularly challenging in my four short years as a parent. Taking care of oneself so often feels like it is at odds with putting your child first, but it doesn’t have to be that way. I struggled to reconcile my new identity and how I could still exist as my own independent person. I eventually came to the realization, that a little time for me, actually makes me feel like I’m doing a BETTER job at parenting my son.
Here are a few simple tips:
· Take a bath. Seems simple enough, but we are often so rushed in our lives with young children, that we hop in and out of the shower as quickly as possible. A bath provides alone time and relaxation. Schedule it in for yourself once in awhile.
· Go out for coffee. This is without your kids. Call a friend a go to your local coffee shop and have a chat. It’s cathartic and reminds you that you are still your own person.
· Go for a walk. Fresh air, exercise and time to yourself? A winning combination all around!
· Have a date night or girls’ night out! Go out like you did before kids. Whether it is with your significant other or with your friends, schedule some nights out, having pure adult fun like you used to.
A little alone time helps you return to your kids happier, refreshed and more ready to deal with those challenging moments that arise.
This subject is always a key one circulating mom conversation? Which daycares are “good”? What do I look for? What should I be asking? As an Early Childhood Educator and a parent, I always suggest people take their search for care right down to the basics. Rather than looking for the newest facility, the most popular centre or the trendiest toys, I have a few simple recommendations for finding a comfortable “second home” for your child.
· Establish the type of care you want before you begin the search. Are you looking for 1 on 1 care? Do you want your child in a larger group atmosphere for the benefit of socialization? There are many different kinds of care out there so be clear what you want.
· When viewing a facility, look at the unspoken cues. This one has always been particularly important to me. Do the children appear happy? Engaged? Do the staff members look content as well? You can tell a lot about a place by simple observation.
· How does your child take to the environment? Obviously, it’s a new place so a little apprehension is natural, but are they more then expectantly cautious of the facility? May not be the place for them.
· Always go with your gut. This, to me is the ultimate decision maker. A facility can look beautiful and the caregivers can say all the right things but if it doesn’t feel right, then it’s not for you.
There are great daycares out there; it just requires a little searching. Find yourself a place where you can relax and know that your child is being well taken care of.
As moms, our children are our pride and joy, very often being at the forefront of our thoughts. We want to discuss with our friends and family all of their milestones and our parenting accomplishments. Did your infant sleep 5 hours last night? Is your four-year-old beginning to read? Are you proud of your particular parenting style and choices? You can share that with others and have it not become a competition.
I have learned many things since starting a moms’ community four years ago. You can exist harmoniously with other parents who think completely differently than you do. How can this be possible, you ask?
· RESPECT: First and foremost, respect that parenting is the hardest job around and we all go about it in ways that we feel are best for our kids and our family.
· Reciprocate: We want an enthusiastic response from our loved ones at the news we share, so be sure to equally give that excitement back when they have their own happenings to share.
· Acknowledge that no one is “better” than anyone else: As parents, we all have our strengths and weaknesses and realizing that make life a lot easier. Our children are exactly the same; they all excel in different domains, at different times.
Raising kids is tough enough without adding competition to the mix. A dose of kindness and a little less judgement can go a long way towards creating a happy mom community.