Secrets

By Linda M. Tobias

My kids are terrible at keeping secrets. This is bad news for their dad. Despite his best efforts, I always find out about the stop for ice cream on the way home an hour before dinner.

I’d like to think that, as they get older, their openness will continue. If someone is hurting them in some way, I want them to come to me for help no matter what “don’t tell anyone, or else” threats are made. Likewise if they have a friend in trouble, letting an adult know is usually the better course of action than letting the friend swear them to secrecy.

 But sometimes, secrets can be fun. Becoming co-conspirators in planning a birthday surprise for Daddy or making a secret present for Grandma is a bonding experience I hope to share with my kids as they get older. And, who among us didn’t have a secret handshake or password with their friends growing up?

This is where my dilemma comes in: do I encourage my kids to keep secrets? And, if so, how do I do it responsibly?

I took to the internet to find out. There’s a lot of great information out there. Here are some of the best tips I found: 

• Preschoolers should never be told or hold any secrets (they’re too young to understand the concept.) 
• Problems of any kind should never be a secret, no matter whether it’s a problem the child has or one he knows about. The answer in these cases is always to tell someone. 
• An adult should never ask a child to keep a secret, especially one that the child is supposed to keep from their parents. 
• Secrets among friends that make someone feel left out are not okay. 
• When a secret is making the child feel bad, they need to be allowed and encouraged to talk about it. A secret should never be a burden. 
• Children need to know that secrets are okay when they mean protecting someone’s privacy, as long as they don’t violate one of the above rules.  
• Secrets are okay when nobody gets hurt and gets into trouble because of it. 
• Consider using different terminology for “good” secrets to help your children understand the difference. For example, birthdays can involve “surprises” and family situations can be “private,” but “secrets” are not okay in your family. 
• Find opportunities to talk about examples of secrets in books, movies and real life. Discuss whether the secret was good or bad, the consequences of keeping it and whether the person should have told someone about it.

What are your tips to stop your kids from keeping the wrong kind of secrets?

Si, Oui and More – Bilingualism in Child Development

Nancy Saraiva

Strolling down a bustling New Westminster street, there is a Chinese restaurant up ahead displaying the special of the week in the Chinese language. Next, there’s an Indian sweet shop and the Hindi language advertising the delicious treats. Further down the block, is a sushi establishment with a menu written in Japanese characters, posted on the door. If you are a parent in the Vancouver area, being exposed to multiculturalism and bilingualism is an everyday occurrence.

It is not unusual to find a classroom filled with bilingual and sometimes trilingual children. Perhaps this is due to the vastly multicultural society we live in, with greater and more frequent connections to other parts of the world, or it’s a means of keeping one’s culture or heritage alive. Whatever it is, parents are catching on that bilingualism has a tremendous affect on speech and language development.

As Pam Galloway, Registered Speech-Language Pathologist says, “More recent research has shown us that children who are learning more than one language do better not only in long term facility with languages, but also with academics overall.”  And, as Lindsay Coombe, Registered Speech-Language Pathologist at New Westminster Children’s Centre says, “Studies have shown that children who are bilingual may be better able to focus their attention on relevant information and ignore distractions.”

There are two types of bilingualism–simultaneous, where a child learns two languages from birth or is introduced to a second language before the age of 3, and sequential, where a child learns a second language after a first language has been well established (usually after the age of 3). It’s never too late to introduce a language into the lives of children, but as early as possible is the recommendation. “The brain is most able to be flexible and can accommodate different languages from 0-5 years,” continues Galloway.

One aspect to stress is that children can still learn a new language while speaking their native tongue at home. “It is recommended that parents speak to their children in the language they are most comfortable with,” says Coombe. “In addition, if parents attempt to speak the majority language to their child and they are not fluent themselves, interactions and conversations do not feel natural.” As Galloway says, “It is also very important for children and parents to share a language in which they can talk about personal, emotional things as the children grow and need support and guidance.”

Living in a vastly colourful city and being exposed to numerous festivals and cultural community events, provides parents with the endless opportunities to introduce bilingualism to their children. Having a second language can open the door to many opportunities in work and travel and can provide enriching experiences in a child’s lifetime.

For more information:

• Lindsay Coombe, Registered Speech-Language Pathologist
  New Westminster Children’s Centre, 604-521-8078
• Pamela Galloway, Registered Speech-Language Pathologist, 778-323-047
• www.hanen.org