From March 2013

In the Know with FORCE Society for Kids’ Mental Health

The F.O.R.C.E. Society for Kids’ Mental Health is a provincial organization that provides families with an opportunity to speak with other families who understand and may be able to offer support.

Their “Friends for Life” online program help parents address children’s anxiety. Check out their website:   www.forcesociety.com

‘In the know’ is a montly networking and info sharing session that provides a topic experts for parents. Next session is April 10th. Flyer:

February topic: Medications

 

 

 

 

Nobody Likes A Tattletale

By Linda M. Tobias

kidswhisperdad

As a freelance writer, I work from home. There are times that I get immersed in complex technical work or I’m racing to meet a deadline, and the last thing that I need is to be policing the activities of my kids. I don’t want to be sorting out who gets to use what crayon or how the Legos will be put together. I want the kids to play nicely together and work out their own disagreements. I, therefore, have no patience for tattletales.

But, at the same time, I do want my kids to come to me when there’s a legitimate problem. If one of them decides to give the iPad a bath, stick the cat in the fridge or scale the bookcase to see whether they jump across the room to land on the bed, these are things I need to know about.

So, how do I encourage my kids to watch out for each other and report information that could help them stay safe and out of bigger trouble, while discouraging them from coming to me with every inane conflict they have? What’s the difference between being a tattletale and being a concerned sibling or friend?

Well, it comes down to the reason that my kid has come running to  me. Is he looking to get someone INTO trouble or OUT OF trouble? Having him attempt to get a peer into trouble is frustrating for all concerned. No parent wants their offspring to be “that kid.” But solidarity and independence only go so far. If someone’s in trouble or about to get into trouble, I want to be told before the science experiment leaves a bowling ball lodged in the ceiling. In that case, having one of my boys tell me about the other’s actions is going to save his brother from making a colossal mistake and getting the resulting punishment.

To help my boys learn the difference between being a tattletale and being responsible, I’ve started to ask them questions when one comes to report on the exploits of the other.

“Why are you telling me?”

“Is your brother in trouble?”

“Will your brother get into trouble if I don’t stop him?”

Over time, I hope that their developing critical thinking skills will let them question their motivations and will let them come up with their own solution to the problem.

How do you help your kids not tattletale?

Kids New West is pleased to welcome Linda Tobias, a New West mom, writer, and editor. Read more of Linda Tobias’ writing at: http://innewwestwithkids.com/