Do you know your kid?

IMG_0082I never got to know my mother as an adult. I spent the first twelve years of my life with her, but that’s not the same. That’s the time of your life where that relationship is all about mother and son. She takes care of you, and your worship her for it. You don’t get to know her as a person…what makes her tick…what makes her laugh etc…And really, twelve years is nothing.

I’ve recently realized what a loss that is. What parts of her are a part of me? What aspects of her made it through to me? Who would she be like today? What did she think of motherhood? What would she think of me? What kind of relationship would I have with her today? And how different would I be based on the knowledge I would have had with the above questions answered? Would it have affected my parenting style?

Those are a lot of questions I will never have answers for. I do know that one of her biggest fears was that my brother and I would forget about her. I’ll never forget her, but as stated above I do forget (or have never truly known) what she was like as a human being. Is that what she meant? Was that was she was scared of? If so, I’m afraid so that her fears came true. And that makes me incredibly sad.

To that end I’ve tried spending a lot of quality time with my son. I’ve tried to get to know him as he’s quickly developing his own personality. He’s turning 6 next week, which will mean that I will have reached the halfway mark to the amount of time my mother had with me. And that I had with her. The past 6 years have flown by, and I can only surmise that the next 6 will be even faster. But I already know this: it will not be nearly enough time for me to get to know him, or for him to get to know me.

So what am I getting at? I’m getting to this. Try to spend as much quality time with your kid(s) as you can. Get down on your knees and have conversations at eye-level with them. It doesn’t matter what’s it about. Talk to them. Get to know them. I know we’re all busy with work and extra-curricular activities; we all need to make a living, and feel like we’re contributing in one way or another. But one never knows when one will depart this world…yourself or your children. It can happen in the blink of an eye. And if there’s anyone you should get to know as closely as possible, shouldn’t it be your kid? Or in reverse, your parent?

Because I tell you, I sure would like to know what made my mother laugh right about now.


About the author: Martin can found at Carter Hales Design Lab during the day, The Stage New West on weekends and on Twitter at all times.